Your mum isn’t a superwoman your dad is lazy
Christel, Meet Us After 7 Podcast
I actually had to pause and laugh because how can Christel say that?
One thing I love about Christel is the vim she speaks with, so fierce and passionate – I love it. She does not care for this angry black woman narrative.
Guys should marry their mums then
On this podcast episode, they spoke about guys wanting to date a woman who is like their mum. But all the qualities guys are looking for in their girl, ‘ is it out of their mum suffering or is she really like that as a person?’ Christel once again.
: let’s say for example you feel like your mum is really patient. Does she appear patient because she had to deal with a lot of issues with your father? Then as a result she just allows him to go about his business because she is tired? So she is only patient towards him. Or does her patience transcend to every other area of her life and she is genuinely patient?
I’ve heard it said and I’ve lowkey witnessed this notion of African mums believing they have to endure suffering in their marriage. That suffering is part and parcel with marriage, as in, it’s supposedly synonymous. But is that really true?
Boys like to romanticise their mums suffering but as girls we see it for what it is
Christel, Meet Us After 7 Podcast
Christel wanted me to shout this day. They train girls to be wives basically as soon as they take their first breath.? I don’t know for them. Don’t get me wrong, I can definitely see how some guys were trained well. I wish they gave boys the same energy they give to girls.
‘You need to learn how to clean properly so when you’re married you can take care of the house’. Are cooking and cleaning not both vital life skills? Skills that both men and women need…
A Biblical example of suffering in marriage
Abigail in the Bible is someone I really rate. You could say she had to endure suffering in her first marriage to Nabal before she got her ‘Russell Wilson’, her ‘Boaz’ – her David, who she married following Nabal’s death.
We see Abigail described as intelligent and beautiful, whereas Nabal is described as harsh and evil (1 Samuel 25:3). Already you can see there is an issue here. Bueno, let’s keep going.
Cool, now Nabal had bare sheep, so David sent servants on a calm ting to ask Nabal if he could kindly offer provisions to his men. Best believe Nabal said ‘who is this David?’ to David’s servants and other rude things (1 Samuel 25:10). Imagine saying that to a whole king?
David wasn’t having this and told his mandem to ‘strap on your sword’ (1 Samuel 25:13) as they were ready to ride out and dead off Nabal and his people. But guess who stepped in and saved the day? The beautiful Abigail of course. As soon as she heard that David was on his way, she left quickly and resolved the issue by giving this long speech to David which changed his mind. David even blessed her by saying that she kept him from bloodshed and avenging himself with his own hands (remember vengeance is the LORD’s).
Later, when Abigail told Nabal how she resolved the situation, his heart failed him and ‘about 10 days later the LORD struck Nabal and he died’ (1 Samuel 25:38). Once David heard this, he called for Abigail to be his wife.
Suffering producing perseverance
So why did I tell this story? Firstly, I don’t feel women in the Bible are spoken about enough and even when they are, it’s always the same ones like Ruth and Deborah.
Secondly, I really love Abigail and how she handled the situation. Imagine marrying someone whose name literally translates as fool. Can you imagine what their marriage must have been like? Stories like Abigail’s don’t have to be every woman’s story. I don’t think it’s necessary to endure an unserious relationship before you find your person, your personal person.
I mean, I hope not. Yes, you can learn a lot from every relationship you have, but were you even supposed to be in that relationship in the first place?
We know that wives should submit to their husbands so that if any of them (husbands) do not believe the Word (of God), their godly lives will speak to them without any words (1 Peter 3:1). Once again, I don’t believe submission is synonymous with suffering and it must be hard to submit to someone who can’t even act right. But it’s something God has called us to do, in a marriage.
Likewise, in verse 7: husbands in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner…so nothing will hinder your prayers. So these men need to be coming correctly please.
I don’t believe in romanticising suffering in marriage but instead choose to believe that ‘suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope which does not put us to shame’ (Romans 5:4). The hope is put in God trusting that there is purpose in the suffering, even when I can’t see it.
For more of the relationship content, read #87 – I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love
Resources
Song
If you’re Nigerian and you don’t know this song then I don’t know for you. But deep the lyrics please: sweet mother I no go forget you, for the suffer wey you suffer for me
Podcast
This was such a good episode. It’s where I got all of Christel’s quotes from. Unfortunately, I believe it got taken down because of issues with music and copyright.
Meet Us After 7 – Episode 228 – ”Ahhhhhjeii”
Book
This book is honestly amazing, I’m half-way through and have learned about so many women that I’ve literally never heard of before
Women of the Bible: A One-Year Devotional Study
