As my time in uni is coming to an end, I’ve been reflecting on all my experiences. I actually can’t believe I started uni in 2017! When I say so much has happened these past 4 years.
The other day I had a meeting with my tutor. I asked her how I can maximise my last 3 months in uni, as I don’t like having any regrets. She told me to think about all the people who have made my uni experience and reach out to them. As well as network and speak to the people around me.
Life happens sometimes
The dynamics of all my friendships at uni have changed dramatically over the last few years, and are bound to change even more as I get older. Yesterday I listened to an episode of the Adzvice podcast titled How Friendships Can Change In Your 20s and they were literally speaking about some of the things I’ve been thinking about recently.
As I’m getting older and busier I find that it’s getting harder to maintain the friendships I have. I always say I don’t have a lot of close friends and friends in general. But I do love and have met a lot of people, especially in the last year. I want to remain in contact with them all and maintain the friendships, but in reality, this is quite difficult.
So I have to be intentional. I need to put in the effort and invest in my friendships. As my home-girl Chels said ‘I need to water the friendships I’ve neglected’.
It’s so easy to get caught up in life. Then before you know it it’s been 3 months since you told yourself you were going to message a particular friend (I’ve done this so many times). Time and distance can reveal a lot. As my big sis Breeny Lee said ‘you know you love someone when they’re not around you and you feel their absence’.
This reminds me of the scripture where Paul is writing to believers in Thessalonica and tells them that ‘we may have been separated physically for a season, but not in heart or thought’ (1 Thessalonians 2:17). That is so sweet and genuinely how I feel about certain people. But how will they know that I think about them if I don’t tell them?
When friendships change
My mentor Andre Spence said something to me the other day that really stuck with me, ‘You prioritise what you value’. I feel like I haven’t been valuing myself (a discussion for another day) and neither have I been valuing my friendships. I can’t use being busy as an excuse as we are all busy and we all have the same 24 hours in a day, what differs is how we choose to spend it.
When navigating friendships it’s important to not only look out for your own interests, but take an interest in others too (Philippians 2:4) as an unfriendly person isolates themselves and seems to care only about their own issues (Proverbs 18:1). This is where love comes in: if you genuinely love and care about a person, nothing will stop you from reaching out to them, regardless of how long it may have been since you last spoke.
In the pod they really drove home the importance of effort in friendships. Ade reminded me that when you don’t have to see someone on a regular this is when you become more aware of the dynamic you have with them. When you’re at uni you live close to your people dem and you can just go link them whenever. But when uni’s over and you be living in different cities, maybe even in different countries, this will be a true test of the friendship. How often will you guys be speaking and even linking up?
Change happens
Friendships really are dynamic and you shouldn’t take it to heart when they change. Although I don’t want to invest in something temporary but some friendships are, they may just be for a season and that is actually okay. As they said in the pod I need to appreciate ‘ the fact that I get to experience people for a certain time and embrace the friendship for what it is’. I feel this one deeply because some of the friends I started uni with are not the friends that will be there when I graduate
I genuinely appreciate all of them and the impact (both good and bad) they had on my uni experience.
Final words
As it says in 1 Thessalonians 3:12 I pray that the LORD would cause you to increase and overflow in love for one another and for all people. That this will lead you to invest in the friendships in your life and appreciate them. Why wait till someone dies before you want to express how much they mean to you and the impact they have had? Give people their flowers while they are still breathing xxxxxxxxx
Resources
Podcast
Song
I love hearing live music sessions and this has been on repeat. You’ve got to love some Kirk Franklin
