Why are you hiding?
Why are you hiding behind appearances?
Why are you hiding behind a mask?
Why are you hiding behind this fake persona?
Why are you pretending?
Why are you pretending to be okay when you know you’re not?
Why are you hiding your emotions and your feelings?
Why?
Are you scared of showing the real you?
Are you scared that people won’t like the real you?
Are you scared that you won’t like the real you?
Are you scared to face the truth about yourself?
Are you scared of being vulnerable?
Are you scared that maybe you may have contributed to the problems you’re currently facing?
Are you scared of who you really are?
Because I am…
Some context first
Now enough of this fake-poetry-spoken-word-type intro and my dramatic questions.
Quick story time: So when I was back in Spain, I was in my room minding my own business doing my hair and thought let me watch a sermon in Spanish. Cool. So, I went on YouTube and typed in Itiel Arroyo (an amazing preacher) and clicked his video that had the highest views because I thought it must be good then. Little did I know God wanted me to cry that day. The sermon was titled, ‘’ and boy o boy it hit me differently.
Hiding behind a mask
The message was about how ‘ is the biggest obstacle stopping people from experiencing the connection they long for’.
Vergüenza in relation to your identity. In relation to how you truly feel about yourself and how you think others view you. I can deffo relate because for most of my life, especially in my 2nd year of uni, I had become accustomed to not expressing my feelings. I just felt like I couldn’t. The few times I did open up, ask me if I was even completely honest. I was deffo hiding behind a mask.
To avoid coming across as weak, I built up this wall. I didn’t want anyone’s pity, and I didn’t think anyone would even understand and really cared. I thought that if I didn’t let anyone in I was protecting myself. These times, I was basically standing in the way of my own freedom and healing.
Read #9 – Survivng 2019: Remembering one of the most challenging years and #73 – Overthinking everything and reframing negative thoughts part 1 for more on experiencing freedom, especially in your mind.
Hiding behind appearances
I watched a video by ETS where he spoke about being honest about your feelings and the importance of accountability. He said, ‘don’t think you can face it (your problems) alone because there are people in this life that are here to live it with you’. Everyone knows that it’s not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). I’m not even talking about in the romantic sense rn, but just a human connection. Having a community of people around you.
I used to have a really bad habit of closing myself off from the people around me, which is so self-destructive. How can you be shutting out the people who want to help you the most?
‘It’s impossible to connect with anyone if you hide behind appearances’ (when I say Itiel was coming for my neck in that sermon). By hiding behind this ‘.’ you just end up feeling lonely. It actually gets tiring when you’re pretending that everything is okay when it isn’t.
Please stop hiding behind a mask.
We all want to feel connected with people, but this comes with vulnerability. Sometimes you just have to put your pride aside and say when you’re not okay. It’s okay not to be okay… but it doesn’t feel like that sometimes right?
Don’t let your past keep you in bondage
This sermon also mentioned that believing lies from the devil will essentially feed into the creation of this wall. These lies may not always be audible, but could come in the form of abandonment or trauma. For example, your parents may have abandoned you when you were younger. Then, as you were growing up, you continuously stopped yourself from getting too close to people out of fear that they would also leave you. You may have thought that if you built this wall to protect yourself, then no one can ever hurt you again.
‘Your past may explain why you’re suffering but don’t use that as an excuse to remain in bondage’. Should I shout or? God bless Joyce Meyer though. Honestly, this is too powerful because you actually can’t allow the past to hold you captive. Don’t allow your past to prevent your growth and stop what God is trying to do in your life.
One of my goals this year is to not reduce my own experiences because I noticed I have a habit of doing this. As in, why am I lying to myself? If I’m feeling a certain type of way, I address it and give it to God. It is hard sometimes because I feel like I’m fighting my feelings and emotions, but it’s all part of the process of learning and growing – yaaay….
Resources
Song
‘I am free, God has spoken I agree’ – this song had been on repeat ever since I first heard it:
This song is a banger, I actually can’t believe it’s 10 years old:
YouTube
This is the sermon I mentioned:
