Laugh with me please. Imagine saying ‘I love you’ to your partner and they respond with ‘I love you with the love of the Lord’. God forbid.
Post breakup revelations
Back in #17 – Valentine’s Day special and reminiscing I said ‘I’m low-key-high-key-not-any-more-hopefully’ scared of falling in love. Calm. So the other day I read a blog post by Alegría which gave me some insight into my feelings. She mentioned that after experiencing heartbreak, and spending time getting herself back together she finally felt like she was in a good place post breakup. Then, she began to like someone. But was hesitant in pursuing a relationship. She explained, ‘I feel like me, I don’t want to lose her’.
When I was in lust yeah, I was a silly-ignoring-the-red-flags-following-my-flesh girl. I don’t even recognise her. I mean if I walked past her on the street I wouldn’t even know who that girl is.
As one of my friends said, “cutting off someone was easy, but maintaining it was hard.” I hear it still.
“You don’t know how much of a Christian you are till you get tempted.” I hear this one as well still.
When I say the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak! This is why we need to be watching and praying so we don’t fall into temptation (Matthew 26:41). As those of us who belong to Christ Jesus, we need to continually crucify the flesh (Galatians 5:24). If you live a life according to the flesh, you will die (Romans 8:13). And that’s on truth – periodt.
Losing yourself in a relationship
Going back to Alegría’s point, I personally don’t feel like I should ‘lose’ myself in a relationship as I’m definitely more grounded and assured of my identity. I know I lost myself in the past because I was living according to the flesh instead of by the Spirit.
So what am I scared of in a relationship?
I think it’s heartbreak.
‘A fear of love because it could end is redundant.’ Alegria was deffo shouting at me in her blog. I think it goes back to #7 – What does it really mean to love someone where I shared how love comes with vulnerability. That actually makes me sick (I actually need to stop saying this – this is the last time ).
But as one of my friends said, ‘the only way true love will persist in my romantic relationships is if God is always at the centre’. So I guess I shouldn’t be fearful of a relationship ending if I know God is in it?
Do you really like this person?
How do you even know if you actually like someone? Or if you’re infatuated with them? Or in love/like with the idea of them? The thought of them and not the reality of them. Is this how people get into relationships with ‘potentials’ who never match up to the idea they created of them in their head?
Remember back in #16 – Thinking about your thinking where I wrote about the power of the mind and living in a false reality – the same concept applies here. Creating this fictional idea of this person and the ‘happy ever after’ you hope to have with them. These times your present circumstance is saying never ever after. Does this person even know you exist or even like you? Slow your ropes hun
Another question: do you actually like this person because you’re spending a lot of time with them or are you spending time with them because you like them? Let me explain: let’s say you’re at work and you tend to work with this particular person all the time. Then you start finding them attractive and you begin to like them (in this instance, let’s say they’re not your normal type). Did you start liking them just because they’re there, as in, always around you? If you met them anywhere else, would you still like them? Or is it because there are no other options? Or do you just genuinely like this person?
Feelings are unreliable
I’ve come to the realisation that feelings are so unreliable. Also that I can’t be ‘making decisions based on my thoughts or feelings but need to check with my spirit’ (when I say I’m loving Battlefield of the Mind). Ultimately this will save a lot of time and heartbreak – amazing stuff. It’s even a thing whereby the heart is deceitful above all things, who can understand it fully and know its secret motives (Jeremiah 17:9). So can I even trust myself?
I want that OT (old testament) type of love (shout out 29:11 podcast). Although the whole dynamic with Jacob, Leah and Rachel was a mad ting, Jacob was so in love with Rachel that he worked for her dad for 7 years in order to marry her. But they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her (Genesis 29:20). So cute omds. Can’t wait to be in love.
Resources
Song
‘God’s not worried, so why do I worry’. Sometimes I have to play this song to remind myself that I literally have nothing to worry about. Read Matthew 6:25-34 for more about not needing to worry.
Blog
This is Alegría’s blog post that I read:
hONest – 002. i’m over my ex, now what?
YouTube
The description is self-explanatory and the video is really short:
