The other night (definitely like 2 weeks ago), I was listening to Breeny Lee’s podcast. She said something that really stuck with me and made me think about my self-worth:
Don’t put your value in who wants you
Breeny Lee
This triggered some thoughts in my head and it reminded me of this quote from The Godly Dating 101 Podcast where Tovares said:
Your identity shouldn’t be in something you can lose.
Tovares Grey
So basically, if you put your identity in anything other than God, .
Seeking external validation
For example, let’s say you’re married (when will you marry) and you’ve placed so much of your identity in being a wife/husband. So much of your self-worth is based on your partner wanting you (cheeky reference to #7 – What does it really mean to love someone?). God forbid you get divorced and you’re no longer a wife/husband and your partner unfortunately doesn’t want you as they’ve fallen out of love with you (is it even possible to fall out of love with someone?), one could easily have a mental breakdown as they have lost a sense of their identity.
So many thoughts would start running through your head: if I’m no longer married, then who or what am I? Why does this person not want or value me? Did I do something wrong? Maybe I was the problem?
I’ve never been married, nor have I ever been in a relationship before, but I think we sometimes place so much of our worth in who wants us or what we do. Without realising it, we could be seeking external validation.
“My boyfriend chose me over another girl. He wanted me, so I’m more worthy of being his girlfriend“. So what happens if he later cheats on you with this other girl? Does that now make her better than you?
“I’m better than my uni friends because I work in one of the top banks in the world“. Okay, so what happens if you’re made redundant? Are your uni friends now better than you because you’re currently unemployed?
The things of this world are so temporary, including our positions and roles.
If something is temporary, it won’t last forever.
But do you know what does last forever? God and who He says you are. So why not place your identity in something that is secure and doesn’t change? Why not place your identity in something deeper, instead of seeking external validation?
Knowing who you are
I feel like in this life it’s so easy for the wind to blow you without actually thinking about where you’re even going.
Give careful thought, ponder and carefully watch the path of your feet – Proverbs 4:26. This is a common theme throughout Proverbs. It’s constantly reiterating the importance of thinking about your life and the path you’re taking.
So how does this link back to identity? I feel like if you don’t know who you are and what you want, you won’t know where you want to go, and who should go with you. If you don’t have a firm foundation, the world will easily sway you and you will end up seeking external validation and chasing temporary satisfaction from what will never truly satisfy you.
Questioning myself
After listening to Breeny Lee’s podcast, I’ve really started asking myself questions about why I do certain things, what do I even what and who do I even want to be?
This is why I love self-awareness and all of them things like introspection and retrospection; how can you expect someone else to understand you if you don’t even understand or know yourself?
Maybe some people are too scared, lazy or just don’t see the value in developing self-awareness. It can be very uncomfortable, but I’m all for personal development and growth. Not in the sense of all that rubbish about manifestation and energies and stuff, but actually becoming more like Christ and who He created me to be.
Resources
Song
This song is on repeat right now, it’s in Spanish and it’s basically just saying that there is nothing better than God
Edward Rivera – Deseo Eterno/Nada Mas
YouTube
Breeny Lee – How To Be Self Aware
Podcast
The Godly Dating 101 Podcast is another one of my favs and even though this episode is about ‘How do I get over an ex’ they mention some interesting things related to identity
