Everyday part 2. Don’t mind me, and don’t want to overwhelm you with too many words on the page. If you haven’t already read the previous blog, you better stop right there and go read it: I wish I knew this earlier: Lessons on love
I wish I knew this earlier: Let go of what’s holding you back
Sometimes we have to lose certain people to find ourselves. Sometimes what we lost is what was holding us back
Toni Tone
It’s only when you have to let something go that you realise how much you care about it. Or how dependent you were on it. It’s so easy to idolise a man when in a relationship, or even when you like him and you’re just friends. Then when it comes to letting them go because you know they’re not right for you…myth.
I saw a thread by Pastor Kingsley yesterday and yeah, you just need to read it for yourself
Maybe you need to let go of this man so God can bring your husband.
I wish I knew this earlier: Invested time is never a waste
Invested time is only a waste if you see it like that
Toni Tone
Investing time…don’t get me started.
You see me, I really don’t like wasting my time. If I’m being so real, when I think back to some of the boys I’ve spoken to or liked in the past, I feel like I wasted my time with them and it gives me the ick.
But one thing I’ve had to learn is that God doesn’t do anything without purpose. If I start to see things as a waste of time, I’ll just get annoyed at myself and that’s how self-loathing and depression begin. That is not my portion thank you. I don’t have time for that.
There’s always something I can learn. I’m trying to always find something positive, even if my emotions are doing a mad ting. For example, I’ve gained so much clarity about what I actually want in a guy, so this will help me filter out guys that are not for me. This should save me time and energy because getting emotionally attached… long day.
It kind of links to the previous point of letting things go. Yes, you may have invested a lot of time in this person and things didn’t work out. But you to let go of any feelings of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. All of which can hinder your progress in life.
Let it go and move on.
I wish I knew this earlier: Sometimes you miss the routine, not the person
Sometimes you miss the routine
Toni Tone
Feeling a bit disorientated post-breakup is expected as you miss your person. But, maybe you don’t actually miss the person, you miss the routine you had with this person.
Going from speaking to someone every day, to not speaking to them at all would leave anyone feeling a bit lost. But it’s them ones where it’s like: do I miss your company or do I just miss having company?
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of monotony in a relationship. To just do things without really thinking about them, to fall into a routine. But sometimes you just have to ask yourselves: what are we actually doing here? What are we actually working towards?
Some people don’t really want a relationship, they just want company. They just need to find some good friends. They just need Jesus.
I wish I knew this earlier: Stop trying to get people to fill a void that only God can fill
Sometimes we are looking for people to fill a void, validate us or heal a wound
Toni Tone
Some people need to find Jesus before they go looking for a relationship. Getting into a relationship won’t solve all your problems. You can’t expect your partner to solve all your problems either, putting all that responsibility on a human being is tiring.
It’s important to even reflect on why you want to get into a relationship anyway? What is the actual reason?
Yeah yeah you want to be in love. You want to feel loved and cared about. But God should be your first love. We all know the commandment:
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as you love yourself
Matthew 22:37-39
But do we actually live it? Like really?
Once we truly understand the depths of God’s love for us, it will change the way we view and love ourselves. Then, as a result, this will impact how we love others.
We really need to take the time to work on ourselves, not to get into a relationship, but for ourselves. Please some of us need to break out of the mindset that a relationship is a reward for healing.
Last words and that
To summarise, here are my top 7 takeaways from the book:
- Sometimes peace can generate discomfort
- Two people can interpret a relationship very differently
- Don’t be afraid to set boundaries
- Let go of what’s holding you back
- Invested time is never a waste
- Sometimes you miss the routine, not the person
- Stop trying to get people to fill a void that only God can fill
Resources
YouTube
I learned so much from this video. It really made me think about the cost of marriage, like am I ready to submit? Is my desire to have children selfish?
Before you find a man you need to find yourself
Apostle Tomi Arayomi
