If you haven’t seen a tweet by Toni Tone, I don’t know for you. This lady’s tweets be going viral.
Here’s one of her recent tweets:
She’s basically everyone’s online big sister, sharing her life experiences, in the hopes that others can learn from her.
The title of her book is very much self-explanatory: I Wish I Knew This Earlier: Lessons on Love. The book is separated into three sections: the dating stage, the loving stage and the healing stage.
I will say that while reading the book, I did feel like a lot of it is common sense. However, common sense is far from common when it comes to matters of the heart and feelings and all them gooey emotions. Me personally, when it comes to feelings, I be losing my common sense quickly.
Bueno, let’s begin with the 7 main lessons I learned on love and relationships and that:
I wish I knew this earlier: sometimes peace can generate discomfort
If absence of peace is all someone has ever known, peace can generate discomfort
Toni Tone
You can have someone good in front of you, but you’re not able to see it because good is foreign to you. You may not be used to someone being nice to you. Someone genuinely caring about you. Peace could even be a foreign concept in all your relationships, hence why when you experience it, it makes you uncomfortable. Then because you feel uncomfortable, you could begin to push people away. People that are actually good for you.
How is it possible that one can be so comfortable in chaos? Maybe because it’s all they’ve ever known.
One of the tips Toni gave was to find people with positive qualities that make you feel uncomfortable. For example, if you grew up in a home where people weren’t verbally affectionate and appreciative, people who are so openly affirming and loving may make you uncomfortable. It’s these types of people that you need to get around.
It’s time to press into that discomfort and get comfortably uncomfortable cariño.
I wish I knew this earlier: Two people can interpret a relationship very differently
Two people can be in a relationship and feel two very different emotions and can even interpret the relationship in two completely different ways
Toni Tone
Married couples are always shouting that communication is too key in a relationship. I actually hear it; it applies to all types of relationships as well.
Just because you’re in a relationship with someone, that doesn’t mean they can read your mind. It’s important to vocalise how you’re really feeling and where your head is at. It can be easy to say what you think the other person wants to hear, but how about just being completely honest?
I think regular check-ins on how you feel the relationship is going would even be good as well. I feel like this is something I would like to do when I get into a relationship.
Unsaid expectations can ruin a relationship! This is because they’re not matching up to this image you created of them in your head! In your head. That’s where it is. The expectations are in your head and you haven’t shared them. Can we please grow up and have the difficult but necessary conversations about what we expect from those who are close to us?
I wish I knew this earlier: don’t be afraid to set boundaries
It’s easier to move forward when you set boundaries
Toni Tone
I don’t think everyone should have the same level of access to you. It’s important to know where you place the different people in your life. For example, an acquaintance would not have the same level of access to you as your close friend. It’s all about using wisdom and discernment.
Especially post-breakup, if you’re still speaking to this person at the same frequency as you were when you were together, what’s really changed? What business does this person have calling you in the am? If you don’t just decline that call. Boundaries love.
When it comes to boundaries, it’s very much linked to self-control.
A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls
Proverbs 25:28
Without the necessary boundaries in place, you’re not protecting your heart, leaving you more open to getting hurt.
I’ve learned it’s also important to put boundaries in place when you’re getting to know someone. As in, stop being so available and doing girlfriend duties when you’re not even cuffed, like chill.
I think there’s enough words on this page. Stay tuned for part 2 xxx
Resources
Book
I Wish I Knew This Earlier – Toni Tone
Videos
I watched these 2 vids last year and they really gave me insight into marriage:
