Who are the friends that I cherish the most?
What friendships do I need to invest in more?
What are the types of friendships that I want to have?
Who do I see with me in 5/10 years?
These are some of the questions I began to ask myself after listening to an episode of Bible Babes & Banter where they spoke about relationship goals. It wasn’t in the traditional sense of relationship goals related to admiring another couple and all of that rubbish.
But instead, they were literally talking about relationship goals. As in, goals to make for all the relationships you have: romantic, family and friends.
Who do you keep around you?
On the topic of friendships, all the famous sayings: ‘birds of a feather flock together’ and ‘show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are’.
Let’s also refer to the Bible: walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble – Proverbs 13:20.
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray – Proverbs 12:26.
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend – Proverbs 27:17.
As you can see the book of Proverbs has so many gems, a lot of it is actually common sense as well – deffo one of my favourite books in the Bible. These scriptures lowkey show you the friendship expectations you should have and what to look for in a friend.
Silent friendship expectations
I’ve never been one to use the term ‘friend’ loosely because I know not everyone is actually my friend. I always say that I don’t have a lot of friends either because I genuinely don’t.
Yes, I might know a lot of people, but they’re not all my friends.
I find that there’s levels to friendships, and this changes the expectations you may have for certain friends.
Let me explain: sometimes you can have expectations of how you want someone to act, however this often leads to disappointment. The reason is because all these expectations are in your head but you’re not vocalising them to the other person. So how are they supposed to know?
For example, if you’re having a bad day or got some bad news which you’ve shared with your friend, you might expect them to understand that you need space and may not respond to their messages. But if you don’t tell them this how on earth are they supposed to know? They might just see it as you’re airing them and being rude. Next thing you know you both haven’t spoken in months…
Managing friendship expectations
Previously in the past, I felt like I expected too much from people and I overestimated my importance and significance in people’s lives. This sounds like a mad statement to make but it was how I felt. I thought I meant as much to them as they meant to me, but maybe it was one-sided. On the other hand, maybe I was just projecting my insecurities.
This is what I mean by there are levels to friendships and it’s important to know where you stand in people’s lives.
Maybe you have a friend that you rate so highly and you’re always putting them first and making time for them. But when it comes to you, you’re not really a priority for them and it never seems like they are really there for you. It might be time for you to evaluate the friendship and have a conversation with that friend.
: if I’m not feeling valued I will take my value elsewhere. Obviously after sharing how I feel – communication is key my lovelies. We can’t expect people to understand how we feel if we’re not being honest and actually opening up our mouths to express ourselves – no one is a mind reader.Rah, I hope I’m listening to what I’m writing.
Will you ride for your friends?
Ngl I feel like if my mum doesn’t know your name then you’re actually not my friend, but not necessarily at the same time. But omds what’s so annoying is when my mum be asking about people from secondary school and I’m like yeah I don’t talk to them anymore, like stop asking me about them please.
Jesus is such a good example of how to navigate friendships. He was known by many, you could call them His acquaintances, had his close friends – the 12 disciples, and his inner circle of 3.
Even my girl Esther in the Bible, I actually love her. When she found out that Haman planned to kill all the Jews, who were her people dem, she called a fast before going to speak to the king to try and save everyone. Even her maids fasted with her as well. She had people around her that she could turn to and pray with. Can you relate?
Do you have friends who will stand with you in prayer? Do you have friends who will join their faith with yours? Do you have friends who will intercede on your behalf? Do you have friends that just pray for you period?
Would you die for your friends?
I’m currently watching a show on Netflix called ‘Las chicas del cable’ and these girls rideeeee for each other. As in, they’re willing to risk jail time and get themselves in the most stupid situations just to help their friends.
Would your friends die for you? Are you even a friend worth dying for? Do your friends ride for you?
‘I’d catch a grenade for ya, jump in front of a train for ya, you know I’d do anything for ya’, do you know anyone who could honestly sing that song to you and vice versa?
For the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all. And this great love is demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends – John 15:13. With all this talk about friendship expectations, I don’t know for this scripture because I don’t know if I’m willing to die for anyone so…
Sometimes I feel like we can expect so much from people, but they’re not perfect. They’re not God, so why do we act like they are?
Resources
Podcast
Bible Babes Banter – Relationship Goals
Song
This has nothing to do with friendship expectations but it’s my new favourite song rn:
One House Worship Feat. Chandler Moore – He Always Provides
